Before I left school and was required to do my 'GCSE'S' (Exams...) I did alittle practise, my first attempt was terrible, but my second... Well, it got good responses from the teachers. I've editted abit, too make it abit clearer, anyway... I had to write a short story, 2 sides of A-4 about one of five different topics. This is my story for the choice of 'The Meeting' (Practising).

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THE MEETING


The air was silent as the sound of cannon fire had ceased and the hail of bullets had subsided. The battle was halted momentarily, however the gunfire continued to echo threw the soliders minds. The results of months of combat with each other soon began to seep into the soliders shell-shocked brains. Lowering their guns they began to realise the horror of there actions. Thousands of mice were feasting upon there fallen comrades, swarms of lice and other insectiods covering there body and tattered, mud-soaked unifom and piles of corpses, a mix of friend and foe, piled in the front-lines as a make-shift barrier.

Like a wave in the ocean, the troops quickly cleared the lanes of the trenches, pushing aside there brothers as they cleared the way for their commanders. Mere seconds later the cold, metallic doors at the back of either side of the field swung open after weeks of remaining sealed. Two people walked out from both bunkers, one clearly of higher status than the other yet still having control of their forces. Navigating the trenches as quickly as they could, the smell of the rotten corpses hanging strong in the air, they soon reached the front lines. "Are they ready?" A commander, called to the captain they had left to manage the main battle, "Yes Sir, they are waiting for us." replied the captain, a slight hint of uncertainty in his voice as he suspected them to get gunned down the minute they raised their head over the barricade. "Good, lets go.", the troops began to remove the multitude of sand-bags and bodies, allowing their command up into the no-mans land.

After traversing rusted wire that had begun to corrode, due to old age, the commanderss stood oppisite each other, a few metres of dirt, empy shells and bullet-casings between them. "So, Havac, I guess you agree to the terms?" called one of the senior offices. This one was wearing a simple green-uniform which was decorated with a series of red badges that contained a white slash inside, not to mention a layer of muck, atop his head sat a green beret with the same badge pined to the front. "Yes Luthin, I suspect that you agree with our own?" The second senior replied, in a rather posh tone. The second officer was much different then the first, it was obvious he cared about his appearence as whilst he stood engaging in conversation his hands begun to fiddle with the multitude of medals there were pinned to his black uniform. "Unfortunetly, yes, now let us get this over with quickly, I have many wounded to treat." Luthin replied as he looked back briefly at to his second-in-commad, he was also wearing the uniform as his commanders minus the beret. As soon as Luthin's reply ended Havac smiled slightly, proud of his armis work. However it soon disappeared, returning to the disturbed but focused sight that was common upon his face.

Seconds later the men began to walk towards each other. With each step the soliders, who were peering over the defences, were subjected to a multitude of imags of their commanders being shot down or blown to pieces, left with a fine red mist clouding the battle field. Once they were within reaching distace from the other they quickly turned back to their subordinate, each taking an item from them. The troops became terrified incase their rival had brought a weapon, a few of them clutching their rifles close to there chest as they began to weep, breaking under the pressure of the moment. "Do you have a pen?" Luthin asked as he tapped the multiple pockets of his uniform, pulling out a multitude of bullets and shells. Havac sighed, slightly disgraced at Luthin's behaviour, "Why would I have a pen?" Asked Luthin. "Why don't you have a pen!?" He called as he quickly reached into the pocket of the velvet jacket that was drapped over his average-sized body. "Well, you don't really need a pen when your in a war..." Luthin muttered, slightly annoyed at the arrogance of Havac. "What if-- Actually, forget it. Have you got the document?" Havac asked, "Well, I don't have it, he does..." Luthin replied sarcasticlly, pointing back at his comrade. "Well, get the document, heres the pen, and sign it!" He commanded, becomming rather inpatient with the scruffy leader. "Ok, ok! Calm down..." He quickly replied, taking the pen, then the documet and scribbling his signature on the rolled up pachement. "Just sign along the bottom, next to my name.", "I know where to sign!" Havac was becomming more than annoyed with Luthin as he snatched the document, disgraced at the hand print he has left on the top of it.

The proud leader began to write his signature, using his assistances back as a flat surface as he signed. The signature was long, taking a few minutes to complete. Luthin in this time waited patiently, digging the heel of his boot into the torn-up dirt.
"Done." Havac called, rolling the parchement up and returning it to Luthin. "Shake on it?" Luthin asked, extending his hand which was now blackened from materials unknown. Havac hesitated for a brief moment, his assistance smiling as he watched his commander endure the torture. Havac took a deep breath and extended his arm, taking his new allies hand and shaking it quickly, wanting the moment to end as soon it started. "Now, we have to rebuild, everything." Replied Luthin, a large smile on his face.

---- END ----

pretty nice

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Awwww, thanks ^_^

dammit peope I spent an hour typing this D:< I want more comments telling me I can't write! -Cough- Type.. -Cough-

I didn't read it yet, but you can't spell worth shit. "practice"

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The air was silent as the sound of cannon fire had ceased and the hail of bullets had subsided. The battle was halted momentarily, however the gunfire continued to echo through the soldiers minds. The results of months of combat with each other soon began to seep into the soldiers shell-shocked brains. Lowering their guns they began to realize the horror of there actions. Thousands of mice were feasting upon there fallen comrades, swarms of lice and other insectiods covering there body and tattered, mud-soaked uniform and piles of corpses, a mix of friend and foe, piled in the front-lines as a make-shift barrier.

Like a wave in the ocean, the troops quickly cleared the lanes of the trenches, pushing aside there brothers as they cleared the way for their commanders. Mere seconds later the cold, metallic doors at the back of either side of the field swung open after weeks of remaining sealed. Two people walked out from both bunkers, one clearly of higher status than the other yet still having control of their forces. Navigating the trenches as quickly as they could, the smell of the rotten corpses hanging strong in the air, they soon reached the front lines. "Are they ready?" A commander, called to the captain they had left to manage the main battle, "Yes Sir, they are waiting for us." replied the captain, a slight hint of uncertainty in his voice as he suspected them to get gunned down the minute they raised their head over the barricade. "Good, lets go.", the troops began to remove the multitude of sand-bags and bodies, allowing their command up into the no-mans land.

After traversing rusted wire that had begun to corrode, due to old age, the commanders stood opposite each other, a few meters of dirt, empty shells and bullet-casings between them. "So, Havac, I guess you agree to the terms?" called one of the senior offices. This one was wearing a simple green-uniform which was decorated with a series of red badges that contained a white slash inside, not to mention a layer of muck, atop his head sat a green beret with the same badge pined to the front. "Yes Luthin, I suspect that you agree with our own?" The second senior replied, in a rather posh tone. The second officer was much different then the first, it was obvious he cared about his appearance as whilst he stood engaging in conversation his hands begun to fiddle with the multitude of medals there were pinned to his black uniform. "Unfortunately, yes, now let us get this over with quickly, I have many wounded to treat." Luthin replied as he looked back briefly at to his second-in-command, he was also wearing the uniform as his commanders minus the beret. As soon as Luthin's reply ended Havac smiled slightly, proud of his armies' work. However it soon disappeared, returning to the disturbed but focused sight that was common upon his face.

Seconds later the men began to walk towards each other. With each step the soldiers, who were peering over the defenses, were subjected to a multitude of images of their commanders being shot down or blown to pieces, left with a fine red mist clouding the battle field. Once they were within firing distance from the other they quickly turned back to their subordinate, each taking an item from them. The troops became terrified in case their rival had brought a weapon, a few of them clutching their rifles close to there chest as they began to weep, breaking under the pressure of the moment. "Do you have a pen?" Luthin asked as he tapped the multiple pockets of his uniform, pulling out a multitude of bullets and shells. Havac sighed, slightly disgraced at Luthin's behavior, "Why would I have a pen?" Asked Luthin. "Why don't you have a pen!?" He called as he quickly reached into the pocket of the velvet jacket that was draped over his average-sized body. "Well, you don't really need a pen when your in a war..." Luthin muttered, slightly annoyed at the arrogance of Havac. "What if-- Actually, forget it. Have you got the document?" Havac asked, "Well, I don't have it, he does..." Luthin replied sarcastically, pointing back at his comrade. "Well, get the document, here's the pen, and sign it!" He commanded, becomming rather inpatient with the scruffy leader. "Ok, ok! Calm down..." He quickly replied, taking the pen, then the document and scribbling his signature on the rolled up parchment. "Just sign along the bottom, next to my name.", "I know where to sign!" Havac was becoming more than annoyed with Luthin as he snatched the document, disgraced at the hand print he has left on the top of it.

The proud leader began to write his signature, using his assistant's back as a flat surface as he signed. The signature was long, taking a few minutes to complete. Luthin in this time waited patiently, digging the heel of his boot into the torn-up dirt.
"Done." Havac called, rolling the parchment up and returning it to Luthin. "Shake on it?" Luthin asked, extending his hand which was now blackened from materials unknown. Havac hesitated for a brief moment, his assistance smiling as he watched his commander endure the torture. Havac took a deep breath and extended his arm, taking his new allies hand and shaking it quickly, wanting the moment to end as soon it started. "Now, we have to rebuild everything." Replied Luthin, a large smile on his face.

---- END ----

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Eh, I literally spend all day anally proof-reading multiple documents in class so that me and my class-mates don't lose a single mark due to bad grammar, so I'm a bit too lazy to read and proof-read all of that, especially when I can't print it out and use proofreader's marks.

I actually read the whole first post. It was pretty good. I would say if you wish to improve your main concerns would be spelling and grammar. (not really that bad) I would also begin to think about clarity. Re-read what you have written as if you do not know what will happen next. Some of the description of what they were wearing gets complex. It may help to try to break it up a bit or reorganize. Well, that is my take.

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Well, thx guys, I find it quite difficult since I rp so much, and the original was terrible, so I edited it the best of ability. Also, to those of you who COMPLAIN about my spelling, im not all to blame as I went to a 'special education needs' college -.-

I'm just saying if you were going to try and improve that is where I would start. Good work though, seriously.

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No words for me, despite the fact I FIX'D it for ya?

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You did a good job too, Yom! That deserves a cookie! A moist, delicious, fetus-cookie.

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