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 short story i need feedback on please 
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Post short story i need feedback on please
Breath of Winter
By: fezarian
As I walked down the damp dark alley the sour sweet scent of rotting fruit was looming everywhere. I started counting my footsteps, one, two, three, four, fiv- suddenly I realized that there was snow on the ground and my feet were getting very cold. I look down and notice that I don't have any shoes on, only socks so I look around for somewhere to sit so I can give my cold tired feet a rest. I see a partially mangled garbage can about 10 feet away but there is nothing else around me so it'll have to do. As i start walking towards the garbage can snow starts to fall from the gloomy sky above me. I can see my hot breath puff out in light grey clouds in the cold frozen air. I feel scared and vulnerable because i don't even know where I am or even who I am for that matter. I'm now only 6 feet away from the garbage can when suddenly something jumped out at me. I fell back in fear and hit the hard cold ground with all my weight and landed on my arm with a deep solid "thud". I scream as I feel an incredible amount of pain come from my right arm.

This pain is like nothing I've ever felt before but as I look up at what jumped at me I see it was only a raccoon, not trying to attack me but jumping out of the garbage because I scared it. In any other circumstance I would have laughed but I remembered the pain in my arm. I take a sharp breath and the cold stinging air hurts my lungs. When I see my arm it felt as if my stomach dropped 5 feet. In my arm there is something large sticking out of it. I try to prop myself up with my elbow and as I do I feel the pain course through my arm as if it was being injected through a giant syringe. I manage to sit up after 5 minutes and I take off my dark leather jacket that was now a dirty torn mess and throw it beside me. I look at my injured not not injured but maimed arm and I see something sticking out of it. At first I think that it's bone but as blood starts to pool around me and the thick coppery scent of blood fills the air I notice that the object in my arm is metal. I grab the object and as my hand closes around one end of it I can feel the rust on it and I am both comforted and scared by this because the rust will act as a grip when I try to pull the object out of my arm. I lightly test how deep the object is by carefully pulling on it and suddenly the pain is so intense I almost pass out. This object has embedded itself very deeply into my arm.

It has pierced my soft skin and gnawed it's way through my nerves and muscles and has embedded itself deeply into my bone. The thought of this rusty piece of metal hooked into my bone makes me vomit onto the cold hard ground beside me. The once white snow is now stained and a new smell has intertwined itself with the smell of garbage and rotting fruits. Just the smell makes me gag and I feel like I am going to throw up again so I force that feeling down because I have something bigger to worry about rather than my weak stomach. I take a deep breath and the cold air doesn't hurt my lungs as much this time so I look at my mangled arm. I grab the metal object that's in my arm and I sit still for what felt like forever just holding the object in my arm and watching my breath as it makes a light grey cloud then puffs out of existence and I think of that breath as my life.

The more I just sit here doing nothing the faster I will puff away out of existence so I tighten my grip on the metal object, wincing as pain starts to flood through my arm. I'm bleeding a lot so I don't hesitate. I scream at the top of my lungs as I yank at the object, my hand slips off the metal little. The blood is so slippery but the rust acts as a grip even though the tighter I grip the object the deeper the rust bites into the soft flesh of my palm. The leather jacket. I remember that i could use my jacket to wipe off some of the blood so I can get a better grip and pull out this metal from my arm that has caused me so much pain. I reach for my jacket but it is farther than I remember. As I extend my good arm to grab my jacket I fall and suddenly the pain increased even mor than I thought possible. I crawl on my stomach to get close enough to the coat so that I can grab it. I can feel the cold leather in my hand as I closed my hand around the coat but the pain in my arm just keeps increasing. I suddenly remember that I don't have any shoes on and it occurs to me that I can't feel my feet.

I look at my arm and realize why it was hurting more and more by the second. When I fell over I landed on my arm and the metal piece got pushed straight through my arm and I think about my muscles and nerves being chewed through by this rusted metal object and my flesh ripping open under the stress of my weight on the sharp end of the metal pushing it's way through my arm and bone taking little bits of bone with it. The sight of this new horror makes me vomit again but I feel cold and tired now.

I have been bleeding for about an hour but what felt like it has been days but I can see the building around me start to light up and I realize that the sun is rising. I fear that I am going to die and I don't even know where i am. Angry at myself I grab the jacket and tear off it's sleeve and wrap it around the metal in my arm and with all my strength that I have left I viscously pull the piece of rusted metal. It was as if I had just been electrocuted and the pain that emanated from my arm was terrible but not as bad as dying in a cold wet alley. I pulled Af the metal again and again more pain every time but then finally I felt the metal move. As soon as I felt the metal move I pulled at it with my last reserve of strength that I had and with one final tug the metal piece was torn out of my arm and I threw it as hard as I could. The metal object skipped along the hard snowy ground and then slid to a stop. It measured about 9 inches long and 2 inches wide and it was coated with rust, leather and blood.

I tied my jackets sleeve around the wound and then I tried to stand up. At first I staggered around a little but when I gained my balance I noticed that it had stopped snowing. I started walking towards the alley's exit which I just noticed due to the rising sun. I am very tired and I am very cold but when I made it to the ally's exit i saw a park and just as I collapsed the sun rose to wake up all who slept. Unfortunately this time the sun will be my moon to lul me to sleep and then I can dream forever. I just wish I knew who I am. Who I was. The alley stunk of rotting fruit and garbage as usual but today there is a coppery smell in the air right beside a torn up leather jacket, a rusted piece of metal and someone who has puffed out of existence just like a breath on a cold winter day.

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Post Re: short story i need feedback on please
Nice detail, now combine it with fuckrandom o.o

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