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 Bad story, don't read, it sucks. 
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Post Bad story, don't read, it sucks.
I usually restrict myself to 10 or 20 minutes, but I feel a time limit would be too constraining now. But the idea behind this is that I will just type. I must type a story, not just gibberish, opinion, anything like that. I'm not allowed to edit. I can go back and check spelling, but besides that nothing. If you people are lazy and not wanting to spend the time to read what I write, then this is the notice right here: All of my posts in this topic MUST include a story written over a MINIMUM of ten minutes, so they'll probably all be too long for lazy/busy people. So, now, with that out of the way, time to chug caffeinated drinks and type like a schizo.



(The trick in the introduction is real and famous. The rest of the story is completely fictional.)

"A man sat at a table in a diner. He sat down, around lunch time. He was well known by the owners, so they didn't really bother him. After a while, he ordered and ate lunch." Vince took a drag on his cigarette and turned his water glass. "After he was down, he stayed, sitting at the table for hours. It got so late, they started preparing for dinner and still, he was just sitting there. Finally, called over a woman who was passing by and asked for her her hat. Suspicious, but courteous, she gave the man her hat. He pulled from out his waistcoat, a silver dollar." Reaching into his pocket, Vince pulls out a silver dollar and lays it on the counter. He rested his head in his hand and his elbow on the counter, leaned over. "He spun the dollar and set the hat over it, allowing it to spin unobserved. He asked the woman, 'Lady or Eagle?' She replied, 'Lady.' He lifted the hat and there the coin had stopped and landed, lady's face up. A man passed by and the man at the table called him over, the lady still standing by. He spun the coin and put the hat over it and asked, 'Lady or the Eagle.' The man replied, 'Eagle.' Pulled up the hat, there the coin was, eagle side up." He took a long drag and put the cigarette out in the tray without moving his arm. He held the smoke in as he spoke. "He asked them both to chose again, Lady or the Eagle as he spun the coin and put the hat over it. They talked for a second and quickly came up with an answer, but this time when he lifted the hat, there was this huge block of ice."

Vince moved his arm and behind it was this foot square block of ice. The waitress squealed with delight and clapped. "How did you do that? We're the only ones here and I've been sitting down listening to your story. I mean, that is amazing!" She slumps, dumbfounded but happy.

As he light another cigarette, Vince leaned back, his dark coat shifting under him. "Magic, darling. Passed down for over a hundred years from one magician to the next. Only one is allowed to know how it's done each generation. The current performer takes their most trusted and talented apprentice, master apprentice you could call it, and teaches them the trick just as the current one is about to retire. They teach them how its done and its importance. They can't show anyone else how it's done, they can't, they just have to perform the trick until they too are about to retire and teach it to one apprentice for the next generation. If the current performer, in this case me, should die before they get a chance to pass it on, it's lost forever."

"Wow. That's so amazing. My Momma always told me magic was all devil and witchcraft. Maybe I should watch out for you." The bell over the door rang as another customer walked in. "I'll be back once I serve this gentleman." She got up to greet the man coming in. He was soaked with rain and wearing a tan coat, much like the man with the slowly melting block of ice next to him.

The man sits down at a table, nodding at the waitress and pointing to the coffee pot. He shakes and rubs his hand through his thinning blond hair. "I can't believe how hard it's raining out there. If it was raining any more..." His voice cut of and odd, confused sounds escaped him in slow bursts. His eyes were locked on the massive ice cube on the counter, currently starting to drip down onto the floor and creating a considerable puddle spreading across the blue and off-white tiles. "Wha, uh, what's that all about?"

"There was a clog in the ice cube machine. It built up bigger and bigger until, pop," Vince clapped his hands together and popped his lips for sound effects, "like a newborn baby." He put put his current cigarette on the top of the ice block and walked out of the path of the puddle and over to the table, sitting across from the man. "I don't mean to pry, but you walk like a cop."

"Yeah. Retired, three years ago. Bad hip. I didn't feel like sitting behind a desk anymore, so I put in my papers, picked up a hobby and about 80 pounds. You, have a walk like a man who's trying to look normal. You don't belong, but most people wouldn't notice you."

"Heh. Yeah. It's always nice to meet someone with eyes quick as mine."

The waitress came by with the coffee and a mug, still slightly damp from being rinsed. "Oh, do you two know each other?"

"On some level, yeah. Would you mind getting me another pack and this evening's paper?"

"Sure thing. Anything to eat or drink? Or for you, sir?"

"Nothing for me. Just keep the coffee coming."

"Ice water, three glasses, one with a straw. Make it two, I left my last one on the counter."

It was then that the waitress noticed how badly the ice was melting. "Aw! Now I'm going to have to go about cleaning that up!"

"Let me dump it outside, it's wet enough anyway. The rest shouldn't be too hard to dry." Vince got up and grabbed the block of ice which had shrunk nearly a third in size. He hefted it and opened the door with his shoulder. The lights from the diner was the only light in the alley. Down on the main road, the street lights dimly buzzed over the empty stretch. Rain poured down, drowning out what little visibility there was. Vince sighed, threw the block of ice and closed the door.

(Dang! I got bloody well distracted and lost a good 2 hours where I could have worked on this. Now sleep is needed. So, I guess... SO ENDITH CHAPTER ONE! Stay turned for more boring crap!)

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Post Re: Bad story, don't read, it sucks.
(Alright, I've typed this intro several days in a row without actually posting. I keep getting distracted. Not that anyone should be reading this, but I looked around at the writing section and found that, man, I am REALLY terrible. I mean, I already knew that, but I thought maybe other people on here might be as well. Alas, no. So, I renamed the thread and will continue writing not because it's any good, but because I need to write. And I have a LOT of time to catch up on.)

As Vince closed the door, he heard the bell ring again. It broke the monotony of the room's white noise. There was the hum of the fans, the hum of the lights, the hum of the freezer and the hum of the nearly empty pie display fridge. And on top of all that, the predictable background noise of the rain. All of it soon blended together and you barely noticed it was there. But Vince noticed.

As the waitress went back from dropping the drinks and paper on the table to get a mop, Vince grabbed his ice water and sat back down in front of the man. "So, what's your name?"

"Whitney Acker. They used to call me Walt Whitman on the beat because I was almost always writing. I thought attention to detail would make me a detective. What makes you a detective is knowing people or greasing palms. No attention to detail or hard work is going to do it."

The waitress came back with the mop and started to clean up. As she passed, she noted to Vince, "You're lucky. That's the last copy."

Vince nodded in acknowledgment. Acker toyed with his cup of coffee, steam rising off of it. His eyes seemed fixed on the dark brown liquid, sloshing back and forth in the mug as he moved it. His lips opened and closed as if he were starting to form words or mutter, but nothing came out. Eventually his eyes raised off the murky concoction in front of him to the man sitting across the table from in. "You know my name and my line of work, but I don't think I know you."

"Sure you do. Better than you know. You just have to look." Vince took out a cigarette and lit it.

"Mind if I have one?" As Vince handed him another cigarette and the lighter, Acker continued. "Well, you watch people and pay attention, we've covered that. Most people that do that are either detectives or spies. So which are you?"

Vince let out a dry chuckle. "I guess you could say I'm a bit of a detective. In that I try to read people, find their truth. You could also say I'm a spy because I hide in a crowd and try to deceive people, be unseen in my actions. Actually, I do magic."

"Yeah, he's really good. He made this ice appear out of nowhere."

"Oh? I think I'd like to see that." Acker smiled and handed the lighter back to Vince.

"Alright." Vince picked up the salt and sugar. "First I take my three ice waters that I have here. Then, I pour a significant amount of sugar into this one and a significant amount of salt into this one. So, now we have a glass of ice water, a glass of salt water and a glass of sugar water. I will stir each one with this straw until you can't tell them apart and then remove the straw. After that, I top each one with a napkin and switch them." He does as he says he will, his eyes not on what he's doing but on Acker. His hands move quickly and it is very difficult to keep track of which glass is which. "Now, you will choose who drinks out of which glass. You pick the glasses, but I guarantee that you will get the salt water, the waitress will get the ice water and I will get the sugar water."

Acker's eyes were focused on a single glass. "You drink that one. I'll drink this one and the waitress gets the one that's left." He picked up his glass and removed the napkin. "Remember, I have quick eyes. The trick is to stare down just one instead of trying to track all of them at once." He smiled as he took a sip, a smile that quickly faded. He spat back into his glass as the fowl taste of strong salt water stung his mouth.

The waitress came over and picked up the glass in the middle. She took a taste. "Pure ice water. How did you do that?"

Vince smiled and sipped out of his glass. "I've always had a sweet tooth... I'll tell you a story about the art of magic. Harry Houdini is known as an amazing escape artist, and he was. But he started his career as an illusionist. One day, when he was on stage and not getting much of a reaction, he looked at the audience and said, 'One thing that magicians never do is tell people outside of the craft how to do magic. But today, I will show you how my trick is done. But, I will need the aid of my lovely assistant.' He gestured to the other side of the stake and a woman, very beautiful and stark naked walked on the stage, smiling at the audience. There was shock, revulsion and arousal in equal measure among the members of the audience. All eyes stayed locked on her as she crossed the stage and exited. When they looked back at Houdini, he was holding a goat. He asked the audience, 'Did you see how the trick was done?'

"Well, needless to say the audience was dumbfounded. How is that the man could make a goat appear out of nowhere when they were all looking at him? No one could answer him, so he informed the audience, 'I will do the trick again. This time, watch carefully. I again will need some assistance, though.' Another, even more beautiful woman, again completely naked, walked from the other side of the stage, smiling to the audience. When she finally went off stage, the looked at Houdini and saw he was holding a different goat. He asked the audience, 'Did you catch it that time?' Again, they just muttered to each other, not being able to figure out how he did it.

"Then a man in the audience stood and pointed at Houdini. 'You just had it handed to you from behind the curtain!' Houdini smiled and nodded. A pair of hands reached from behind the curtain and was passed the goat. The trick was as simple as that. It didn't appear out of nowhere or come trough a trapped door or anything. He simply reached out and was handed a goat, but only one person caught it because everyone else was looking at the woman.

"And that," he waved his hands in front of him, his cigarette disappearing from his hand as he did, "is the essence of magic." He took another drink of his sugar water and pulled the cigarette out from behind his ear, still smoking. "Say, Acker, shouldn't you be getting back home? I'm sure your wife is worrying about you."

Acker looked startled and surprised, then looked down at the ring on his left hand. "Oh, right. I guess it was raining so hard, I didn't feel like going back out. But it is late, I need to get back soon or I'll never hear the end of it. See you later, friend." Acker picked himself up and walked to the door, turning back and smiling at Vince and the waitress. He exited, the bell ringing to alert the empty street and nearly empty diner.

"Well, I should put the mop back and wipe things down. Soon enough, we'll get the cook coming in and people wanting breakfast." She groaned, tired and stiff as she returned to the back of the diner.

Vince sighed and took another sip of the water. "Soon enough. Yeah." He grabbed the three glasses and dumped them in a busing bucket. Next he picked up the mug and smelled the coffee. He took it over to the window and poured it down the sink, hearing the waitress in the closet, struggling with the mops and other supplies. Finally, he grabbed the paper and replaced it behind the counter where it had been. He took one more look around and a sad look came on his face. He walked over to the door.

The bell rang, alerting the empty street and nearly empty diner. A shout was heard from the back. A pretty young woman wearing a waitress's uniform came out. "Well, hello there! I wasn't expecting anyone this time of night."

Vince smiled at her and took a seat at the counter. "Yeah, well, I don't appear to have anywhere else to go. I'll, uh, just have an ice water please."

"Sure thing." She went back and got a glass of ice water for him, setting it on the counter. "Is everything alright?"

"Well..." He lit a cigarette and took a drag of it. "It's nothing I could really explain to you. You seem to be all alone here, though. Do you have time for a story?"

"Of course! I love stories!"

He smiled at her, her excitement at the thought of a new story was nice. "A man sat at a table in a diner..."

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