Hell-o & whalecum to the newest edition of HOLY SHIT NEWS!
-HOLY SHIT, Deathamania is running wild this month. Prince, Chyna, Lonnie Mack, and many others have passed this past week. Chyna was a former WWF Women's Champion (or man if you wanna troll about her appearance), the first Royal Rumble entrant, the first female Intercontinental Champion (along side Chris Jericho), and arguably the first former WWF Women's Wrestler to do a porno (I'm probably wrong). She died at the age of 46 from mixing perscripion drugs and alcohol. HOLY FUCK! This was confirmed by her friend Erik Angra. WWE confirmed and mourned her dea-... Wait.. What? HOLY SHIT! So now WWE is acknowledging her after giving her the "Krispin Wah" treatment? Goddamn WWE! You only seem to acknowledge Wrestlers you don't give a shit about when they're dead. Before this turns in HOLY SHIT RANTS, I hope she makes it to the HOF and hope her family is well.
-Next on the Death Note list is Prince. He may look like a Michael Jackson wannabe, but at least he didn't have the child molestation accusations going on (burn). Why he changed his name to the "Artist formally known as Prince" is beyond me, but he had some great ass hits like Purple Rain. Speaking of Purple Rain, MTV has been playing Purple Rain and other Prince related stuff. About fucking time MTV started playing some fucking music instead of shitty pregnant teen shows and SJW bullshit! He died at 57. Previously, Prince had stated that he was "fighting the flu", leaving his death to be unknown. However, they performed an autopsy, but the results will take days, if not weeks to get back. HOLY SHIT NEWS will keep you updated. Now let's see if the Corporate Jews of the media will milk the ever living shit out of his name like they did with Michael Jackson.
-Lonnie Mack was a Rock, Blues and Country singer known for his songs "Memphis" and "Wham!". He was consider a rock-guitar "pioneer". His final album was released in 1990 titled "Attack of the killer V" Mr. Mack passed away at 74 due to Natural Causes.
- HOLY SHIT! BREAKING NEWS! Just now, Billy Paul has passed away today at 74 due to Pancreatic Cancer. Cancer can suck my COCK!!! He was best known for his 1972 number-one single, "Me and Mrs. Jones". May he and the others Rest In Peace.
- Japan has tested out their newest X-2 Stealth Jet Prototype. It lifted off from Nagoya International Airport and stayed airborne for about 25 minutes before landing at Gifu Air Base. The Jet is planned to be mass produced and to be used in the 2030's. 2030? Really? That's like 14 years from now! When the FUCK are they gonna make Giant Robots? I'll fuckin' PROSTITUTE myself to have an EVA-01! I'll BOMB something to have a Mazinger Z, I'LL GO ON A NEVER ENDING FUCKING QUEST TO FIND A CURE FOR CANCER FOR A GODDAMN GUNDAM!!!! PLEASE, JAPAN!
- Fiat Chrysler Automobiles Recalls 1.1 Million Cars and midsize SUVs worldwide. The issue is that that people failed to park due to it's supposedly "confusing transmission". Which makes you wonder HOW THE FUCKIN' BLUE HELL IS A SHIFTER CONFUSING?! Well, apparently the gear shifter is electronic and "Gear-selection is conveyed to the driver by multiple sets of indicator lights, not gear-selector position." I'm going with the 200's and the 300's transmission and it's not that fuckin' hard to look at. Either the vehicles are complex to shift (I don't own any Chrysler vehicle after 2005) or the people driving them are dumb as hell. So in that case, LOOK AT THE LIGHT BEFORE YOU FUCKIN' LEAVE YOUR CARS YOU DUMB CUNTS!!!
- Finally, North Korea has claimed that they've successfully launched a missile from a sub-marine. Now other countries and nations are getting a bit serious with NK due to the success of their testing lately. U.S. President Barack Obama said Sunday that the United States is still analyzing what happened. "What is clear, is that North Korea continues to engage in continuous provocative behavior. They have been actively pursuing an nuclear program, an ability to launch nuclear weapon. Although more often than not they fail in these tests, they gain knowledge each time they engage in these tests. And we take it very seriously." Supposedly, what North Korea has been doing has violated multiple U.N. Security Council resolutions. The missile in question had flown about 30 kilometers (about 19 miles), well short of the 300 kilometers (roughly 186 miles) that would be considered a successful test, according to South Korean officials. South Korea and France are also condemning what North Korea is doing. North Korea Supreme Leader Eric Cartman says he will use these weapons so other Countries will "Respect his Authoritah! He probably didn't say it, but he's probably thinking it. Either way, North Korea is the equivalent to the kid on the playground who acts tough, but always gets his ass kicked.
This is the madassgamer and I'm going to invest 1.5 billion dollars into Giant Mecha development.